hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
