I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
