don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
