I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
