She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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