Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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