do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
