I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
