Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
