All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
