i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
