I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
