there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
