and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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