Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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