Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
