Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
