and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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