I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
babies were throwing up all over the place
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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