I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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