if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
