I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
