rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
