it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
