He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
