if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
