The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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