We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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