He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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