If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
