1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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