And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
