I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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