NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Houston, we have a blender
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
