Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
