i think my mom watched the whole time
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
