You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
