One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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