you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
