PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
