any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
