There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
