dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
try to milk me bitch
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