he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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