Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
