were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
