I wannas sexs uuuuu
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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