o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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