Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
