I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
