You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
