Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
