I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize