WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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