my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
